Honor

Can there be honor in a society without the duel?  Can there be a civil society without honor?  I believe the answer to these questions is no, and no.

It has been nearly a century and a half since the last duel was fought in America between United States Senator David C. Broderick, of California, and ex-Chief Justice David S. Terry, of the Supreme Court of California, on September 13, 1859.  The encounter took place near Lake Merced on the south western edge of San Francisco--a place where I stood many times when I lived in that beautiful city.

It is no small irony that that last duel in America was fought between two men of the law: a U.S. Senator, and a State Supreme Court Justice. After all, since 1859 America has become a nation of laws.  In a nation governed by laws, the duel is prohibited as a method for settling disputes.  Instead, we have a system of laws at the local, state, and federal level that are too innumerable to count.   The Affordable Care Act alone is nearly two thousand pages.  Tolstoy would be impressed!  

A decade before the duel between Broderick and Terry, Henry David Thoreau lamented the slide of America toward a nation of laws in his essay entitled, Civil Disobedience, published in 1849. He foretold of the enslavement of the citizen to the "machine" of the state.  And yet, despite Thoreau's warnings and the daily evidence to the contrary, many today believe we have a more "civil" society where individuals settle their differences at the bar of torts, attorney in one hand and checkbook in the other.  This we call "justice".

Nearly a decade after the Broderick-Terry duel, in a small southwestern Virgina town, an honorable man named Robert E. Lee became the President of a struggling college after the end of the Civil War.  Among the many things he accomplished during his five year tenure as President of what was then called Washington College, included the abolition of the set of formal written rules and regulations that governed student behavior.  Lee established one central idea: that each student "conduct himself as a gentleman." Lee also transferred the responsibility of administering the "honor code" from the faculty to the student body.  Sacrebleu!

In a truly civil society, where individuals conduct themselves as gentlemen (and gentlewomen), which is a better response when a grave offense has been committed by an individual against one's person, family, or property: 

1) Call on an officer of the law, or
2) Challenge the offender to pistols for two at dawn, and coffee for one?

Fortitude

Mountains are sacred places.  In Greek mythology, Mount Olympus is the dwelling place of the gods.  In the Judeo-Christian tradition, Mount Sinai is the place where Moses encountered God and received his commandments.

The nature of mountains is elemental.  Earth (rocks), water (glaciers and streams), air (wind), and fire (lightning). They are rooted in the very crust of the earth.  During the day, as the sun traverses the sky, the mountain sits.  Light, colors, shadows change moment to moment, and yet the mountain stays.  Clouds, fog, wind, rain, and snow may swirl around the massive peak; and when all is clear, there is the mountain, abiding all change.

On its surface, glaciers move, snow fields form and dissipate, boulders break loose from the freeze and thaw cycle.  At its base, streams and rivers flow; animals and plants are nourished.  And yet, through it all, the mountain sits, unmoved by the weather and what happens on its surface.

As we lead our lives, what is possible if we adopt the "mountain perspective".  Can we embody the same unwavering rootedness and stillness of the mountain in the face of everything that changes in our environment?  Can we adopt the strength and stability of the mountain as the turbulence of our day-to-day existence attempts to push us this way and that?

It can be helpful to see the events that happen to us are much like the weather on the mountain.  While we tend to take them seriously and personally, the events of our own lives are not to be ignored, denied, or resisted; they are to be encountered, felt, and known for what they are; and then allowed to pass.

On Enthusiasm

 “Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson
 Enthusiasm: To be possessed by a god, or by God. How we have lost sight of the meaning of this word.   As modern western society increasingly moves away from organized religion toward secularism, can we take seriously Emerson's admonition to be enthusiastic?  After all, to be enthusiastic is to be with God. That is heresy in a secular society.  I, for one, do not have difficulty with the original meaning from the Greek, since I know that when I am not enthusiastic about my life, then I grow farther from God.

For the secular, let's try a philosophical approach to capture the essence of this virtue.  In the Buddhist philosophical tradition, the equivalent of enthusiasm is "Virya", which is also known as the Paramita of joyous exertion. This paramita is associated with the qualities of vigor, vitality, endurance, diligence, as well as continuous and persistent effort.  When we firmly anchor ourselves in Virya, we can view failure as a step toward success and danger as an inspiration for courage.  This would be in keeping with Emerson’s description, and as Winston Churchill said: “Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

If the religious and philosophical approaches are not satisfactory, then where else can we turn to understand and incorporate this virtue into our daily lives? How about Walt Disney,  who encouraged us to "Whistle while [we] work" in the animated film, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  I can offer no better advice for enthusiastically going about our daily affairs.

On Wisdom

“Information is what you find on the internet.  Knowledge is the synthesis of information.  Wisdom is the application of knowledge.”—J. Rufus Fears, Historian, Scholar, Teacher.

In the Eastern traditions, the idea that wisdom (or “prajna”) can be experienced through meditation on suffering has been with us since the Buddha sat under the Bohdi tree.  In the West, of course, it’s a bit more complicated.

 

Starting with Homer’s Iliad, we come to understand that we increase our wisdom through suffering.  We recall that Achilles’ intense rage and suffering over the loss of his dear friend Patroclus led Achilles to slay Hector at the gates of Troy.  When Hector’s father, Priam, goes to Achilles to claim his son’s body, Achilles’ rage turns to compassion as he sees in Priam the same suffering that he experienced with the loss of Patroclus.  Achilles gives the body of Hector to Priam and calls a truce so that the funeral rites may be performed for Hector.

From the Athenian tragedies of the 5th century BC, we come to understand that moral blindness (“ate”) was the negation of wisdom. Moral blindness led men and women to commit acts of hubris (or, outrageous arrogance) that led to ruin.  It was only at the cost of much suffering that men and women gained wisdom. In Greek tragedy, it was frequently those who were most sure of their wisdom who suffered a tragic fall. Pentheus in the Bacchae of Euripides is a fine example of someone who believed himself wise but, in fact, was fatally flawed. His refusal to recognize the power of a new god, Dionysos, led to Pentheus’ downfall and the destruction of those he loved.

The theme of human suffering as a path to wisdom is embodied in the book of Job (also written in about the 5th century BC). Job endures the loss of his family and all of his possessions.  He is then subject to horrible bodily afflictions.  Job, a righteous man, appeals directly to God to explain why he is suffering.  God does not give an explanation to Job.  He proclaims his own power as all that is needed. When Job bows his head to acknowledge God’s power; his life, family, and wealth are restored.

What can we learn from these ancient tales of wisdom and pass them along to our children?  Well, in the contemporary era, children are generally educated in a three-stage process:

First is the presentation of information—a collection of facts and data.

Second is the weaving of these facts and data into patterns of knowledge.

Third is the application of these patterns in one’s daily life, thereby approaching wisdom.

Teachers and parents can influence children and young adults in steps one and two.  Wisdom ultimately is an act of reflection and application. Children (and their parents) can come to wisdom only by contemplating and applying what they have learned.

Focus

"This requires total concentration” (Bruce Lee paraphrase)

Martial artists can focus their mental attention and bodily energy to apply physical forces that astonish most other mortals because the latter cannot see beyond the distractions of their own busy, active minds.

Today, the advent of electronic media and the internet have enabled many distractions that seem appealing at first, yet enslave us in the end.

Text message.  Email.  Phone call.  Tweet.  Pandora.  ipod.  Video game.  Facebook.  Pinterest. Netflix.  Hulu.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes.  Focus.

Fox News.  CNBC.  Politico.  CNN.  Talk radio.  The New York Times.  The Wall Street Journal. Bloomberg.  Reuters.  

What was I doing?  Oh yes, writing a blogpost.

Napoleon Hill in his 17 Principles of Success described a quality he called “Controlled Attention” as the ability “to focus the powers of [the] mind upon the attainment of a definite objective and to keep it so directed at will.”  If one is often distracted, bouncing from activity to activity like a pinball on steroids, how can one achieve or accomplish anything worthwhile.  “Multi-tasking” is an oxymoron!

So, what can we do when we are either assaulted or tempted by the barrage of today’s electronic distractions? I do have a few simple recommendations:

1) Cancel your cable/satellite TV service.  Throw out all radios, ipods, gaming consoles.

2) Read only one literate newspaper each day.

3) When with people, place your cell/smart phone in “airplane” mode, and be fully present for the people you are with.

4) If you must check and respond to email, do so only 3 times each day (morning, around lunchtime, and late-afternoon).

5) Rise early and meditate each day.

I recognize that what I am suggesting here is a radical departure from the way many individuals act these days.  Who among you has the courage to reclaim your focus?

On Patience

”Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.”--Heraclitus

In the major religious traditions of the world (Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism), there is universal acceptance that patience is a virtue.  However, as with so many behaviors or qualities of character we wish to strengthen, knowing what to do (or how to be) is the easy part.  Doing it (or being it), is often not so easy.

Perhaps I am fond of the Buddhist approach to patience as one of the six paramitas (or perfections on the bodhisattva path to enlightenment).  My attraction to this perspective is primarily because the Buddhist approach provides a method or process for “perfecting” the virtue through meditation and daily application, rather than just defining it or providing exhortations, parables, or metaphors about it.

That said, a definition here would be helpful to our understanding so that we may aim toward acquiring and perfecting this desirable quality. The essence of the virtue of patience is the strength of mind and heart that enables us to face the challenges and difficulties of life without losing our composure and inner tranquility. We practice the virtue by embracing adversity, insult, distress, and the offence of others with tolerance, free of resentment, irritation, emotional reactivity, or retaliation. We cultivate the ability to be loving and compassionate in the face of criticism, misunderstanding, or aggression.

The strengthened quality of patience in ourselves is not a forced suppression or denial of agitation or negative thoughts and feelings about our circumstances. Rather, it is a state of being where we maintain our inner peace, calmness, and equanimity under all circumstances--especially when we fall short or miss the mark. Certainly, change your circumstances if you can.  Accept them if you cannot.

In recognizing the virtue in another, it is often said that an individual “has the patience of Job.” The reference is to the Old Testament Book of Job, where Job is beset with disasters that take away all he has, including his family, his health, and his property. As he suffers, Job struggles to understand his situation and even curses the day he was born at one point.  However, he never loses faith as he patiently searches for the right path out of his calamities. In the end, Job’s health, family, and property are restored and he lives in harmony to a ripe old age.  A fine example of the virtue of patience in action.

On Caring

Caring is that quality of character by which one displays kindness and concern for others.  It is a virtue often demonstrated by those who look after others who are unable to look after themselves, especially the sick and the elderly. 

I am fond of Leo Buscaglia’s quote on the subject, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”  

In the family we can observe this virtue in practice by mothers who raise children, husbands who care and provide for wives, and sisters who tend to ailing brothers.  In society at-large we have come to know what are called the “caring professions” such as teachers, nurses, and doctors.  Within the field of education, there is a concept known as  in loco parentis, Latin for "in the place of a parent” which refers to the imputed responsibility of an organization to take on the function of a parent.  Among the top corporations in the private sector, enlightened managers and leaders “mentor” their charges.  Even in government, there is an ever expanding notion that the the State exists to care for its citizens.

Roman mythology offers an insightful creation fable that describes how how humans came into being and the importance of caring for their survival:

One day, Cura (Care) was was engrossed in thought by the river and began molding clay from the earth into various shapes. She fashioned one shape that especially intrigued her. Wanting this new form to enjoy life, she beseeched Jupiter to grant it a soul (or spiritus). Jupiter obliged Cura by breathing life into the earthly form. Cura then requested that this new creature be named after her. When Jupiter objected, the two appealed to Saturn, to serve as arbiter. Saturn decreed that when the new creature dies, its body would return to Earth, which was its origin; its soul would return to its father, Jupiter, who had given it life. But all the time it was alive, its name would be homo because it was made from humus (earth) and its life was to be entrusted to Cura.

As Roman mythology emphasized the importance of caring at the beginning of time, so the Christian tradition (which evolved within the Roman Empire) reminds us of the importance of caring at the end of time.  In the New Testament (Matthew 25: 34-36) Matthew relates the following teaching of Jesus on the subject of caring:

“Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’”  

And when did they do these things? They did them when they cared for the least of his brethren without expecting a return. That is caring.

Benevolence

When we think of the virtue of benevolence, it is often in the context of leadership.  We refer to a benevolent CEO, President, or other person in a position of authority.  From this perspective, benevolence can be viewed as a person’s disposition to do good; or to be charitable in the execution of his duties; or in the care of his charges.

Written large, BENEVOLENCE is that quality of character that inclines us toward generosity.  A short animated video by Justin Lewis illustrates the idea in practice.  As parents we can help strengthen this virtue in our children by encouraging them to share with their brothers, sisters, relatives or friends.  As individuals, we can cultivate this quality by practicing generosity with those whom we interact.  When we give freely of our resources (time, money, goods, services); or open our hearts (especially to those who have harmed us), we strengthen this virtue and at the same time encourage others toward goodness.

Assertiveness

Respect My Authoritah

Assertiveness is that quality of character that is recognized as the ability to speak boldly and confidently the truth, or state a belief.  This quality is often recognized in leaders as they exercise their authority, or challenge others to achieve great deeds as when John Kennedy declared that the United States of America would put a man on the moon, or or when Ronald Reagan dared Mikhail Gorbachev to “tear down this wall!”  On the other hand, an amusing cartoon clip demonstrates virtue of assertiveness gone wild.  In a scene of the irreverent animated television series, South Park,  Eric Cartman is portrayed as a police officer on his big wheel asserting his “authorit-ah”.

In a society where free speech is a constitutional principle, we must encourage our children, friends, and colleagues to express their beliefs confidently, while striking a balance between holding them back (perhaps out of fear of recrimination), or shouting them out (like some radio and television pundits).  Encouraging this balance is especially important when it comes to political and religious assertions.

As we strive to achieve that balance, we can remember the example of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, when despite the risk of being hunted down and executed for treason, they declared: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Ambition

One of the most notable scenes in film occurs in On The Waterfront. Terry Malloy (a washed-up prizefighter currently working on the docks) and his brother Charlie (a mid-ranked local mafioso) engage in a dialogue in the backseat of a taxicab in Hoboken, NJ.  Charlie is exhorting his brother toward more ambition:

Charlie: ”You're getting on. You're pushing 30. You know, it's time to think about getting some ambition.”

Terry: “I always figured I'd live a bit longer without it.”

As the film unfolds, we observe Terry’s developing awareness of the graft and corruption that permeates the shipping trade on the waterfront.  Despite his caution, Terry exhibits a strong desire to break the mob’s control on the docks.  This ambition, coupled with courage in the face of grave harm, enables Terry to disrupt the mob’s domination and achieve his own redemption.

As with any quality of character, what makes that quality a virtue is the good principle of the act that is chosen.  When it comes to ambition, the motivation for the good action is the desire to succeed.  Without this motivation success, or achievement, cannot be attained.  This desire enables one to persist and persevere in spite of challenges and obstacles.

Perhaps Napoleon Bonaparte said it best when he reportedly observed:  “Great ambition is the passion of a great character. Those endowed with it may perform very good or very bad acts. All depends on the principles which direct them.”

Accountability

We can think of accountability as that quality by which a person says what he’ll do and then do what he says [ he’ll do].  That commitment can be to himself (e.g., I’ll get up at 5:30 am today) or to others (e.g., I’ll see you at the ice cream parlor at 6 pm).  Today it seems to be a quality more observed in the breach than in the practice.  As society’s customs and mores become more casual, people are quick to commit and slow to deliver (if they deliver at all).

Whether we are considering accountability to self or to others (as in the case of participation on a work project or on a sports team) it is important to remember that the best kind of accountability comes without negative judgment.  One might ask, “How can we then be accountable without judgment?”  The two are so often intertwined.  The answer is very simple --- leave the negative judgment out of the equation.  A few illustrations here might be in order.

Suppose that you make a commitment to yourself to lose 20 pounds by a certain date.  You notice that as the date approaches you’ve lost 10 out of the 20 pounds.  Which is the better reaction?

1) I’ve only lost 10 pounds.  I’m a failure.

or

2) OK, I lost 10 out of 20 pounds.  Not a bad start, but not what I committed to.  I'll redouble my efforts and give myself another month to achieve my goal.

Let’s say your son plays shortstop for his high school baseball team.  The opposing pitcher throws a big, fat, not-so-fastball right over the middle.  The batter at the plate hits a hard grounder right towards your son.  Easy play!  Except he took his eye off the ball (after all, your son is in high school; its springtime and his girlfriend is sitting in the stands behind the dugout wearing a lovely new sundress).  Man on first.  After the game, his father talks with his son.  Which is the better conversation?

1) How could you possibly have missed that one?  You cost the team the game.

or

2) Son, I know your girlfriend is in the stands.  Keep your head in the game.  Your team is counting on you and needs your total concentration when you are out on the field.

One final hypothetical is from the workplace.  Let’s say you’re part of a team that makes high performance computer systems.  The Christmas holiday is approaching and the team has  promised delivery of a system to a customer prior to Christmas. John is in charge of Manufacturing. Manufacturing misses the deadline. The customer is understandably upset and threatens to cancel the order.  A team meeting ensues.  Which is the better response?

1) John, why were you not on top of the situation?  This failure to meet our deadline is costing us our bonus.

or

2) Hey, John, Manufacturing promised a pre-Christmas delivery. What happened?   Is there any way we can make this up to the customer?

From these examples, we can see that we can hold ourselves and others accountable without reverting to negative  judgment.  This does not mean we let ourselves or others slide.  It does mean that by taking negative judgment out of the equation, we increase the likelihood of accountability. 

Acceptance

In Byron Katie's insightful book, "Loving What Is--Four Questions That Can Change Your Life,” Katie outlines some excellent advice about the virtue of acceptance, or the practice of allowing current circumstances to be as they are without a lot of fuss.  In the Christian faith we have an excellent role model in Jesus for acceptance.  When he was falsely accused, beaten, tortured, sentenced to death, and crucified, Jesus accepted those circumstances. He called out from the cross, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34).

As individuals we often struggle with acceptance.  We feel we must bend the universe to our will and when the universe does not comply, we become distressed.  As parents, we are often troubled when our children do not act as we believe they should; or we are compelled to offer correction without first accepting.

One of the most pernicious manifestations of non-acceptance is the resistance to aging and death.  It would appear that the arrow of time points in one direction and our existence on earth is of limited duration.  Our bodies age and then they fail.  We are unaware of any person who has not faced this destiny.  As the Borg say in Star Trek, “Resistance is futile.” Yet, resist many do. Multi-billion dollar industries subsist on this non-acceptance: face-lifts, nutritional supplements, Botox, breast implants, and hair color- just to name a few.

We can hear the uproar now:

“Shall I just let someone abuse me”?  No, walk away if you can.  Use force to stop the abuse, if necessary.

“I don’t like the cold, gray skies of the Northeast in winter.”  Well, move to a warmer climate, if you are able.

We are not suggesting that one must accept all circumstances as they unfold.  After all, some of those circumstances are of our own making, and as such, can be undone by our own actions.  We are often well served by taking a Stoic approach toward the world. It was described by Epictetus as a mental attitude whereby we are "Sick and yet happy; in peril and yet happy; dying and yet happy; in exile and happy; in disgrace and happy.”

When in doubt as to whether the correct course of action is acceptance or resistance, recitation of the Serenity Prayer often proves to be helpful:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

The courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.”